My New Toy With a Combustion Engine

I didn't grow up poor, but I had my share of austere years in college and early adulthood. I had to work to pay for rent, gas, food, and car insurance while staring down the barrel of student loans. Between that experience and generally not seeing myself as a person worth splurging on, I spent my twenties and part of my thirties feeling like I couldn't or shouldn't afford nice things. Even when my income reached a comfortable level and my living expenses were low, I felt like purchases more than, say, 50 bucks were excessive. I also had internalized some lessons from my hippie environmentalist college, such as knowledge of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch along with many other ill effects of human overconsumption.

I still think rampant consumerism is a scourge, but here I am with a new 2021 car in my driveway, having traded up from a 2020 version of a similar model. This probably wasn't a financially wise choice. I make a good salary now and have a very reasonable mortgage, but I didn't need a nicer car that is going to increase my monthly car payment by forty-five percent. I gave into the allure of a sleeker interior, sunroof, heated seats, and a red paint job that is way more fun than every gray, white, and silver car I've had in my life. The only trouble inflicted by my previous car was color envy, as I watched other small SUVs toodle around in cheerful shades of blue, orange, and even purple. Maybe I also envied the new electric vehicle my husband got a few months ago, which has comfy (faux?) leather seats and a very attractive trim.

Well, then, maybe my new car was a pro-environmental choice. It's a plug-in hybrid, so I've gained the ability to do local errands and short regional trips fully on electric power. Something is holding me back from going completely electric: maybe the cost, maybe the fear of getting stranded miles from a charging station. The plug-in hybrid is my compromise, and it does feel better to drive to Pilates class on a quiet battery-powered motor, but I'm realistic about the fact that a motor vehicle is never eco-friendly. It takes several hours of sucking electricity from the grid to be able to drive for 30 minutes in EV mode. As I sit comfortably in the faux-leather driver seat, enjoying the stereo system, I'm keenly aware that my body takes up a fraction of the volume and mass of the vehicle as a whole. How much energy needs to course through how many moving parts to get this 3,000-pound thing across town?

I also realize that life is short and perhaps I shouldn't begrudge myself a few material fruits of my labor. I don't ask the world for much; I rarely shop and I prefer splurging on experiences rather than objects. Now (this is one way to look at it) I've got another asset to sell in case of lean times in the future—but I hope I'm able to keep driving this car until it chokes. Honestly, I love it.